Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
