Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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