I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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