Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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