Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
