Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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