How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
