You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
