$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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