I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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