She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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