I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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