rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
