Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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