that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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