I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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