The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
