If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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