at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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