Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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