i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
