Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
