the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
