and she was petting her beer can
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
