shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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