Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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