I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Mom said you looked used
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
