i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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