How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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