I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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