Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hippo gnu deer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
