Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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