I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
