The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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