shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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