I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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