i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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