He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
