God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
