I wish I could punch you in the face.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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