I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
