At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
