I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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