hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
