I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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