it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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