She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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