i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
