Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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