haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
