His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
