I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
