# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
