We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
