The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize