so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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